Fear

One of my favorite quotes, I just happened to forget to live by it.

I've had a spell where I couldn't find words. What was I doing? Where was my creative drive? C’mon woman you’re a blogger now! Silence.

Ideas flowed through my mind like a river; never staying long enough to settle anywhere in particular, but always giving glimpses of an ‘almost idea’. Never fully formulated but a seedling for something to come. But still, silence.

I was washed up, dried out and rotting before my own eyes. Seriously, Jess get back out there! I didn't know until I saw a post by Elizabeth Dehn of Beauty Bets, that I was scared. It wasn't that the ideas were rushing past me— it was that I wasn't reaching for them because I dreaded rejection—  failure in it’s basest form.

Her post on realizing that she’s scared to fail resonated so true that I felt stunned for not writing it myself. Rejection. Fear. Pinning me down and holding me back from taking chances. And I let it.

So I stopped being afraid. I want to write, travel, explore, eat, dream, sleep in, stay up late, meet strangers, snort-laugh and happy cry. I want it all, and so I pursued it.

My personal fear begins with I sent emails to women I’d been scared to hear “No” from. (Or “No, thank you.”—because Minnesotans are just so damn polite). There’s a level of boldness and humor when you realize that hitting send in an email or on a phone isn't that hard. It’s terrifying, but instead of being self-conscious and thinking people will judge you, hit the button anyway. I did.

The universe heard my cry, and as I type, I received a response from one of the women I emailed. Is it a rejection? A warm welcome hug? I don’t know yet. But the fact that I took the chance feels good in and of itself. Thanks to @Beautybets for being brave and sharing her fear because it helped me start conquering my own. And also for posting delightful beauty tips. But specifically today, for her courage.