Back at it.

I haven't blogged for a long time because life has in the most sincere way, been hectic (let me cringe with you). My last post eluded to being committed to various projects but I wasn't clear on exactly what I've been ladling onto my plate. Part of that is my nervousness about following through and part of it is anxiety about it actually happening.

I'm back at school.

I woke up on the same morning that I decided to run my half marathon and realized that my grown up fantasy of who I should or could be, wasn't lining up with the moves I was taking to get there. I love reading, and writing and traveling and eating, because I'm a human and all those things are lovely in the right context. But the reality of living out Samantha Brown's lifestyle while being close to my family, friends and starting a family of my own some day (still waiting on that puppy) was that I wouldn't be happy.

I can't stretch myself in every direction because for me that just didn't carry the balanced life I want to live some day. I'll still write, because it's a fun hobby, but it can't be my one and only and neither could working full-time in marketing. If you've spoken with me about any ailment of yours or someone else's ever, you would know that I'm nosey (I call it curious) beyond what seems polite.

Oh your what hurts? Can I see it? No? Hm. Okay. Are you sure? Well, keep me updated on how it's holding up.

When I joined the military I chose a medical field-- not outright mind you--but I came back from training with every intention of becoming a nurse. I admire doctors, nurses and treasure my first time watching an amputation and open heart surgery (not at the same time). In NOLA, I was a kid in a candy store learning about old medical treatments and I listen to podcasts on medicine for fun.

You see where this is going, right?

I'm going back to school for medicine, and classes start today. I'm finally working toward answering one of my favorite questions of "What's your dream job?". I admire so many of my girlfriends because they answer it with, "This is my dream job." and I think, wouldn't it be nice if I would have pursued mine? Maybe in another lifetime, I would have eaten my way through the continents with a camera in tow but I don't see any reason why I can't eat through the continents and then write about it anyway, ya know, in between surgeries.

Here's the summary:

• Who: Me, (obviously) but this list looks dumb starting at 'What'.
• What: Going back to school for medicine: Undergrad Pre-requesites right now, applying to grad school in a year or two (no specific timeline because I don't know how classes are going to go yet, so I'm giving myself time and forcing patience.)
• Ultimate goal: Physician Assistant 
• When: Now because there's no time like the present and all that jazz.
• But actually what else am I doing in Bismarck? Why not make this time away valuable? 
• Where: I'm no longer exclusively a Bulldog! (The heartbreak is real) I'm now also a "*Mystic". *What that actually means I have no idea, but if I ever figure it out, I'll let you know.
• Why: Re-read this post if you still don't get it.
• How: Online-- I couldn't jump into taking classes on campus all over again. Being a poor college student full-time and working isn't in the cards for me right now. I want to do it all right now. Eventually I may have to abdicate the working world to focus on my pre-reqs but there's more to come on that front-- this post is already a mile long.

So, today is my first day of school and I'm really giddy.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged and supported me while I was considering taking these steps and when they didn't let my self-doubt get the best of me. On that note, I should probably go read my syllabi...

Oofta.

Oofta.

So goes the saying when one is facing a large and precarious situation, and here I say it with my eyes looking at the light at the end of the tunnel... kind of.

With summer almost gone and that back to school feeling creeping in, I'm starting to get a little anxious. I don't know what summer of my youth it was that traumatized me, but ever since I can remember, I recall being absolutely devastated over summer ending come mid-August. And so here it is... the middle of the month and my everything is a disaster: my room, my notes, my hair and I can feel the anxiety building.

Oh hey there epic meltdown and river of overdramatic tears! It's been a while since I've seen you, but I think you are due to compound my stress.

I do it to myself. And for the most part I like it, but I've actually reached the point where I've decided to take on less. the only problem is, I don't know what to give up! I'm addicted to my stressors and they're killing me softly.

*Pause blog to jam to the Fugees*

Turns out, I'm a stress-eater (Oreos) and with that everything else goes out the window when I can't cope-- mostly logic and any semblance of a calm demeanor.

Anyway, last week I didn't have my laptop and I had significantly less emails to send, pieces of work to do and websites to surf. So does that mean this is the root of my problem or that I was just avoiding my responsibilities? Probably both. This week I'm on a #hustle mission to get all of the things on my to-do list done with specific emphasis on laundry and organizing my work space. I am hoping desperately that this will help otherwise I really will have to give in to crossing off one of my recurring tasks permanently-- maybe a Russian Roulette of my commitments is the way to go?

How do you decide which commitments to let go? What do you do when you're overwhelmed with life? What's your breaking point?ow do you decide which commitments to let go?