Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Tally-ho!

I cried in yoga tonight.

It was a sculpt class and I was on my back sweating to hold a bridge pose, counting backward from 25 and my sweat gained the companionship of some welcome tears.

I've been intermittently saying goodbye to things here in St. Paul; friends, restaurants, familiar streets that know a special part of me in this chapter of my life. It has been difficult to say the least.

What exacerbates the stress, is my anxiousness to leave. I am giddy. My apartment is going to be awesome. I get to spend more time with my man-friend-- a luxury previously unimaginable, even recently as my friend Natalie will tell you that he's a figment of my imagination because he travels so much.

I will be home more. I am out, all the time, being the most hedonistic version of myself I've ever been as an adult. I've spent equal amounts in petrol and on food making friends, and attending events because I want to soak up every last drop of this glorious, wonderful state.

I learned my lesson when I moved from Duluth, that you will, more than anything, miss the little things. Coffee from your favorite spot, your favorite grocery store (because a good one is hard to find!), the way your street can be perfectly peaceful and make you feel so safe, so homey...or the way the sunlight hits the kitchen on an otherwise average day, making it delightfully noteworthy.

Those little things I've photographed in my mind (and on my phone) because although each day in itself is different, this "now" is something I knew would be exceptional from the very start. I have been spoiled and yes, blessed (even though I cringe at writing the word) these last months.

So when I was in class, going to my last Yoga Sculpt class for however long it takes me to get back to here, I cried.

25, 24... I can't believe I'm moving... 23, 22, Why is my spine so boney right now?? 21, 20.. ah to be young again, I wouldn't go back to being 21 if you paid me... 19, 18... I'm hungover just thinking about it; I was so naive, what did I know of the world? 17, 16... not enough to know I was clueless... 15, 14... I would have never guessed this would be my (and our [manfriend's]) path, but why not? 13, 12... seriously longest series ever... 

I've had a lot of people ask me if I'm excited, and I never thought I'd say this, but I am. Truly, and genuinely for this next stage. I sweat-cried my tears today and I hope they'll be the last (mostly because I hate goodbyes and want to escape like a thief in the night). But I think this next journey will be extremely nourishing to manfriend and I, as we pioneer the Great Plains, challenging creatively and just the right setting to ease into the bones of my late twenties.

It's going to be a fun ride. Bismarck, I'm comin' for ya.

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