C L E A N S E

Artwork via Bianca Cash

I love the New Year; I love everything that it brings and represents: feelings of a fresh start, a new beginning, and all the things that make us feel like, “Hm, maybe I can do it.” But this year I’m particularly excited because last year was filled with SO MANY joys but I’m anxious and somewhat paralyzed thinking of how I could possibly do it all over again, only bigger and better.

2015 felt like it was an absolutely monumental year for so many people. I felt like everyone I knew was electric with an energy they couldn’t explain, but they were harnessing the momentum with no questions asked. We all had victories and more importantly some failures that made us realize that sometimes we don’t always need a ‘W’ to understand the world around us a little bit better.

But now it’s 2016 and last year’s high is starting to wear off and I’m a little bit terrified. How do I follow-up a year that was so epic and grand in every way possible? There were so many amazing opportunities I was able to take, places I was able to travel (NOLA, ATL, SEATAC for starters), so many foods I was able to taste (Turtle soup, anyone?) that it hardly seems possible one could experience another year that’s half as good.

Every year from last year can’t be something I’m trying to trump with some grandiose and ornate event. Even just thinking about it is nonsense because it isn’t fair to myself or the world around me to set such unrealistic expectations.

Instead, this year I want to focus on my time spent being great in a way that’s less. If I don’t recall, I remember being a little overwhelmed at the peak of it all last year. All I could think was, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could just do nothing for one minute?” So this year, I’m doing a cleanse. Well actually, I’m doing three.

1. The first cleanse will be digital. No, I’m not going off the grid. I like the interwebs too much and I did a little of that during the last half of last year anyway, and I’m thinking I’m ready to face the world at a more metered pace. No, this time I mean to be very intentional about how I interact with tech. I woke up to 21 emails this morning, work not included. Which means I had 21 different distraction to pull my attention from just waking up and enjoying my warm, safe bed. I’m going to purge and reprogram my inbox and stop letting messages beat me down before I realize that they’ve already taken over my day. I’ll organize my folders so that my J. Crew sales still come to me, but they go into a folder, are marked as read, and if I think about them, I can access them. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out, and I don’t get daily reminders of the adorable vests I don’t need.
2. Next up as you may have guessed, is my closet. I am a notorious shopaholic and while I pride myself on finding great pieces, I still have an over-full closet, stuffed dresser and suitcase or two that’s packed with a lot of “necessities”. The thing is, when you look at people who are successful or have minimized their closets, they are always infinitely more at ease about getting dressed in their favorite pieces. Now, I don’t propose to go for the all-white wardrobe because I like buffalo wings way too much to pretend like my fate is anything less than sauce-covered, but I will acknowledge that at a minimum I’ll go for the neutrals with a few floral accents because I can’t resist a good pattern. This guideline along with my standard “If it hasn’t been worn in the last year, say goodbye” rule, should reduce my closet and supply the local donations spot with a decent “new” selection.
3. I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t dabbling in a juice cleanse regularly. I love food and nothing will separate me from my sincere love of a good hot plate of fried-fill-in-the-blank, but I also appreciate a good pressed juice and how I feel after three days of sipping the deliciousness in each bottle. So I'll embark on a juice cleanse with my man-friend along my side as he’s so valiantly volunteered to do, and because I generally eat pretty clean I won’t worry about doing some monstrous diet that will not support my lifestyle.

It’s not a lot of big moves and I won’t have to do these things every day or even every month, but it’s a start. I’m choosing to find joy this year and that manifests itself by choosing a little less in a few aspects of my life and I think that’s enough. What are you doing to commemorate the rest of these next 360+? 

Happy New Year, friends!

Hello... It's Me!

No, I didn't get Adele tickets today. Please read this in a British accent, and spin around 3 times in a dark room in an attempt to Bloody Mary-magic conjure tickets to my possession. I'll need six. Thanks!

But despite my depression over this, I'm taking a deep breath for the first time in weeksmonthsdaysayear.

This YEAR.
What the? Where did it go? She gone.

I just want to take a moment to rejoice in how many things I'm so grateful to celebrate this year. A lot of shit happened and I'll say that it's been a real trip.

The beginning of this year started with a birthday party that left my heart so full that I didn't think there'd ever be a time I would ever be so happy again. So much laughter and Lady Marmalade karaoke has led me to believe that, with a little prosecco, I can actually be Christina Aguilera. It might be true, it might not.

I was wrong. My time in St. Paul  is one of the most cherished times in my life. I took so many chances, ate so many things with so many friends, talked my heart out with my 'teers and went ham (Mmm, ham...) on soaking up what that glorious city has to offer that it kind of seems unfair that I had such a good time, even if it was short. That might have been just what made it so sweet though. We knew it couldn't last and so, we lived. Fully, thoroughly, lived.

Thennnnn we moved to NoDak and okay, let's be honest, I hated it. Where is this place? They have legitimate tumbleweeds and I just don't know what to do about that. Do you plant them? I STILL DON'T KNOW.

It's an unsolved mystery I'm pretty sure. Well anyway, here I was. Separated from all my people with the exception of man-friend, I made a lot of big moves: decided to go back to school? Signed up for a Half? Quit my first big girl job? Took a real vacation? Whoa.

On paper [screen] it seems pretty epic. Um, cause it was. Have you ever quit a job? It's allllll the emotions and even though I was glad to go, this was the real beginning of a new chapter. I crossed a threshold with this and while I toast to that beast finally resting, the biggest, best part of my summer and fall was celebrating all the new Mr's and Mrs's in my life.

One officiation, four states, seven planes, nine weddings, hundreds of tears, thousands of miles and countless memories of our friends and family celebrating their love make this a year that is really going to be tough to beat.

I finished my half and cried all the dehydrated tears I could, limped for five days, and dug into school. Fast forward through building a website for a boutique, writing a few articles and listening to a lot of podcasts of miscellaneous diseases and here I am looking at my final grades from my first semester back at school (Hands raised emoji x3).

How the...when did... wha--? Just like that. That's how a year goes. That's how it went for me. All the things, right? I'm happy it happened and am so sad it's over with. I'm pumped I get to sleep in non-hotel sheets, and my closet isn't a suitcase. I don't have a test or homework for at least 2 weeks and if you're a forever student you'll appreciate that little bit of respite.

It's early, because Christmas hasn't happened yet, but I  I might just unplug a little while longer and just enjoy the rest of what this year Auld Lange Syne style has to offer because it's been a real nice ride so far.

2015, you've been a gem, I can't wait to see what you sister 2016 has to offer. Heart emoji. Champagne Emoji. Hashtag YAY. Flamenco Girl Emoji. Wine Emoji. Wine Emoji. Wine Emoji. Wine Emoji.

Back at it.

I haven't blogged for a long time because life has in the most sincere way, been hectic (let me cringe with you). My last post eluded to being committed to various projects but I wasn't clear on exactly what I've been ladling onto my plate. Part of that is my nervousness about following through and part of it is anxiety about it actually happening.

I'm back at school.

I woke up on the same morning that I decided to run my half marathon and realized that my grown up fantasy of who I should or could be, wasn't lining up with the moves I was taking to get there. I love reading, and writing and traveling and eating, because I'm a human and all those things are lovely in the right context. But the reality of living out Samantha Brown's lifestyle while being close to my family, friends and starting a family of my own some day (still waiting on that puppy) was that I wouldn't be happy.

I can't stretch myself in every direction because for me that just didn't carry the balanced life I want to live some day. I'll still write, because it's a fun hobby, but it can't be my one and only and neither could working full-time in marketing. If you've spoken with me about any ailment of yours or someone else's ever, you would know that I'm nosey (I call it curious) beyond what seems polite.

Oh your what hurts? Can I see it? No? Hm. Okay. Are you sure? Well, keep me updated on how it's holding up.

When I joined the military I chose a medical field-- not outright mind you--but I came back from training with every intention of becoming a nurse. I admire doctors, nurses and treasure my first time watching an amputation and open heart surgery (not at the same time). In NOLA, I was a kid in a candy store learning about old medical treatments and I listen to podcasts on medicine for fun.

You see where this is going, right?

I'm going back to school for medicine, and classes start today. I'm finally working toward answering one of my favorite questions of "What's your dream job?". I admire so many of my girlfriends because they answer it with, "This is my dream job." and I think, wouldn't it be nice if I would have pursued mine? Maybe in another lifetime, I would have eaten my way through the continents with a camera in tow but I don't see any reason why I can't eat through the continents and then write about it anyway, ya know, in between surgeries.

Here's the summary:

• Who: Me, (obviously) but this list looks dumb starting at 'What'.
• What: Going back to school for medicine: Undergrad Pre-requesites right now, applying to grad school in a year or two (no specific timeline because I don't know how classes are going to go yet, so I'm giving myself time and forcing patience.)
• Ultimate goal: Physician Assistant 
• When: Now because there's no time like the present and all that jazz.
• But actually what else am I doing in Bismarck? Why not make this time away valuable? 
• Where: I'm no longer exclusively a Bulldog! (The heartbreak is real) I'm now also a "*Mystic". *What that actually means I have no idea, but if I ever figure it out, I'll let you know.
• Why: Re-read this post if you still don't get it.
• How: Online-- I couldn't jump into taking classes on campus all over again. Being a poor college student full-time and working isn't in the cards for me right now. I want to do it all right now. Eventually I may have to abdicate the working world to focus on my pre-reqs but there's more to come on that front-- this post is already a mile long.

So, today is my first day of school and I'm really giddy.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged and supported me while I was considering taking these steps and when they didn't let my self-doubt get the best of me. On that note, I should probably go read my syllabi...

Oofta.

Oofta.

So goes the saying when one is facing a large and precarious situation, and here I say it with my eyes looking at the light at the end of the tunnel... kind of.

With summer almost gone and that back to school feeling creeping in, I'm starting to get a little anxious. I don't know what summer of my youth it was that traumatized me, but ever since I can remember, I recall being absolutely devastated over summer ending come mid-August. And so here it is... the middle of the month and my everything is a disaster: my room, my notes, my hair and I can feel the anxiety building.

Oh hey there epic meltdown and river of overdramatic tears! It's been a while since I've seen you, but I think you are due to compound my stress.

I do it to myself. And for the most part I like it, but I've actually reached the point where I've decided to take on less. the only problem is, I don't know what to give up! I'm addicted to my stressors and they're killing me softly.

*Pause blog to jam to the Fugees*

Turns out, I'm a stress-eater (Oreos) and with that everything else goes out the window when I can't cope-- mostly logic and any semblance of a calm demeanor.

Anyway, last week I didn't have my laptop and I had significantly less emails to send, pieces of work to do and websites to surf. So does that mean this is the root of my problem or that I was just avoiding my responsibilities? Probably both. This week I'm on a #hustle mission to get all of the things on my to-do list done with specific emphasis on laundry and organizing my work space. I am hoping desperately that this will help otherwise I really will have to give in to crossing off one of my recurring tasks permanently-- maybe a Russian Roulette of my commitments is the way to go?

How do you decide which commitments to let go? What do you do when you're overwhelmed with life? What's your breaking point?ow do you decide which commitments to let go?

A Pig Eats in NOLA (pt.2)

Like I said, our trip was mostly aimed at warmth and eating. So while it was blissfully warm out, it also happened to be incredibly humid. (Which despite my skin and makeup looking phenomenal for the first time since Hawaii, my hair ended up being a legitimate knot.) Whatever though. I like to think I rocked some sort of Blake Lively messy side-braid and most of my pictures don't have closeups so it looks cool from far away. #lifehack

The food was fantastic. We ate at some chains but this will be the first time in ages I withheld judgement. Good food is good food and the fresh seafood was impossible to beat. When you live in the Midwest, you are naturally suspicious of all seafood and seafood bearing restaurants. Fresh? Just flown in? What, do you FedEx it overnight with my Amazon order? Everyday??? Is that why this meal costs exactly my rent and cell phone bill combined? 

In any case, read on if you're on a diet or not hungry and are a masochist.

Oysters. Oysters are everywhere. If you're a texture person, I beg you to make your first time trying Oysters somewhere off of a coast. They are velvety, smooth (not chewy) and just a little bit briney. Not much, but just barely enough to make you want one more to try and catch that drop of the ocean to savor one more time.

Oh, so you like garlic and butter and some spicy seasoning that I can't quite identify as cajun or creole, breadcrumbs, parmesan, and epic amounts of sodium? Why, yes, I do, too. Charbroiled oysters are where it's at. This was our first meal in NOLA and it set us up for an addiction to the shelled delights that I can't quite shake. 

We were under the impression and unfortunate assumption that Crawfish/Seafood Boils would be a big thing in Louisiana,  so we fruitlessly searched and asked around to no avail. We did, however, find a fun tourist spot to sit down and engage in the delicate act of eating crawfish. 

By delicate, I mean not at all, because you man-handle this crustacean accepting that you will, in fact, end up with shells in your hair and lemon juice in your eye. It's not a sexy meal to watch someone eat but the reward is sweet, indeed. 

I'd only ever had crawfish in buffets before but those will never compare. They literally pale in comparison to these delights and although I wither at the whole animal concept when it's presented to me to take into hand (literally) if I want to eat, these were the tasty morsels to convince me that it is oh, SO worth it.

A favorite food of mine has made a monster out of me. Fried chicken. I don't know what it is, but I have a serious affection for good and thoughtful fried chicken. I recently tried that chain stuff and was legitimately sick for a day after eating it. Manfriend and I have put it on our 'banned list' unless we're having a biscuit and honey packet shortage that we just can't overcome.

Anyway, Fiorella's on the edge of the Quarter is a little den of heaven. Seafood, although delicious can feel insubstantial and sometimes you just want to be full.  This fried chicken, although different in texture and flavor was crispy and all the right kinds of juicy.  The breading was just heavy enough where it wouldn't peel away from the meat leaving you with the fake battle we all wage of "Should I eat the best part of this fried chicken or pretend like I'm in it for the meat...?", where you inevitably lose and make some excuse about hungry children in Africa or whatever.

A shining star that I can't get over is the Red Beans and Rice-- the side that came without flourish to our chicken. What the what? How have I been missing this important line of Sir Mix-a-lot's greatest hit and the South's staple? Nobody told me it would be this good. I mean, there's bacon in it. Or some kind of bacony bit. I don't even need to know but I will dream of this meal for years to come and I will make many attempts on red beans and rice in the interim.

Mint Juleps When in the south, you should be required to drink Mint Juleps. In New Orleans in particular, people are partial to the Sazerac. It's not my cup of tea but it's bold if you like sweet citrus flavors with hints of Absinthe. I personally loved the Gin Fizz I had at the Roosevelt Hotel. The bartender was absolutely artistic in how he made this cocktail and it was worth the hype. Whoever invented that little diddy back in the 30's gets my personal thanks and a high-five.

The local beer was good although I can't say I had much of it. Beer gets me full and full means less room for food. So, there's that.



Merchant
Our hotel was next to this adorable restaurant, Merchant. Aside from everyone inside being insanely friendly, the food was phenomenal. Originally we went in just to get grub and go but chatting with the staff, and who I think was the owner of tags and our epic search of a seafood boil left us laughing and too entertained to leave. Off the beaten path, this place is adorable and won't smell like tourist (i.e. me). Sure to become a staple for the city, based on staff alone but don't worry the crepes (arugula, proscuitto and balsamic) are a definite given to winning you over.

We had crepes at Cafe du Monde and Cafe Beignet, and I won't write about them because the lines speak for themselves. Just go. Go often. Bring something to do while you wait, because there's always a line, but do not mistake this for a tourism trap-- it's loyalty and worthiness leaking out of glorious tiny balls of dough. So just go.

The capstone to our trip was our grand finale dinner. We sought far and wide for a seafood boil and despite not having experienced one first-hand, this made up for it.

Turtle Soup
Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like and I haven't been able to look at the turtle emoji since. Why I feel so much guilt, I don't know because I probably eat foods that people's Grandma's used to keep as pets, too. But with some encouragement, I pressed past my memories to dive in. The stew is a dark and brooding mixture-- undercurrents of heat swam in each bite but not enough to actually burn you-- just enough to keep you waiting for the bite so you continue to eat until you realize that the low and fleeting warmth it all you'll get. The texture of the turtle was similar to a small, cooked oyster. This particular version at Tableau wasn't so well done that I'd write home about it, but for the sake of trying it, I did, and I didn't hate it. If someone tells me there is a place with the most amazing turtle soup in the world, I will go and try it again with my head held high and full of expectation.

Frissee
What is more French than Beignets and Frissee? Not much, and I was most certainly elated to try this dish. The sun was setting and I was buzzed from my French 75, so upon finishing my bout with guilt and turtle soup, I devoured this salad. With all intents to order an entree, I was stuffed and pleased that I had to force myself to order dessert. Don't be fooled by the playful greens-- the potatoes are substantial and covered in a clarified butter that counteracts the vinaigrette, and you won't have enough time to breathe between bites leaving you full and content.

We had some butterscotch pudding to finish and there was no time for photos. You'll just have to go down to New Orleans and check out these spots yourself. But not alone. Because I'll go with you.

My heart goes out to you New Orleans for opening up a world of flavor and a dimension of eating I'll never forget!

xoxo

Relax, it's Summertime!

There are a lot of songs going through my head that ring up under summer cliche but somehow none of them seem to capture the joy that summer can evoke.

The southern half of our country can probably start rolling their eyes now, but nothing is so sweet in the Midwest (or "North" if you're of the new school) as the warm scent of grass and evaporating rain climbing through your open windows.

It's overwhelming to try and do everything-- the picnics, the parties, the relaxing -- it all takes time, commitment to being organized and frankly can be straight up stressful. And although I wouldn't trade being exhausted by the endless on-the-go that summer brings, fall is often a welcome respite.

But instead of wishing away one of my favorite seasons, I'm going to try and squeeze in a few extra hours into my days specifically for myself so that the next few months don't seem so daunting.

• Aside from trying to train for the half, I want to read more books. I'm considering converting back to paper but audio books are perfect for road trips (of which I have many) and they have been a great treat during my runs (don't worry Queen Bey still makes her usual appearance during the jaunt).

• I want to start cleaning out my closet (again). The purge feels so refreshing and kind of freeing to get rid of pieces that don't fit you 'just so'.

• Of course, I want to be great about my training for the race. And I think this will be a great way to learn some discipline for the sake of learning.

• I want to start building up my barcart. As a former bartender, it seems foolish not to treat yourself to one great drink at home every once in a while. Obviously wine is amazing but there's something special about whipping up a drink and sipping it in your pajama pants. Does that count as a life hack?

• I want to go on a road trip to find the perfect Midwest seafood. After #KChohandJCoDoNO my heart still aches for the brine of a fresh oyster or the sharp kick of creole seasonings. I won't settle for the fact that fresh is the only version of best-- not with all the amazing chefs and restaurants popping up in the city like hotcakes (see what I did there?).

I just made up that last one but I think it's important to have goals that aren't too serious. It gives the others perspective and you something to look forward to. No love lost if I don't find the perfectly tasty seafood treat between ND and WI but I can at least enjoy the thrill of the hunt. (Think: California Dark Beer Tour 2009).

Side note: I'm thinking of taking my food adventures on the road and investing in a camera to capture all their glory. What do you think?

What will you do to keep sane in these seemingly crazy summers?

Moved by the Stars ... to Run?

It isn't very often I get time to stargaze. I have a lot of trouble grasping the vastness that encompasses our solar system and the galaxies beyond when I'm not looking toward the heavens for the answers they might provide. But in most of the big decisions of my life that come in the form of an epiphany I have noted that they are always made under watch of the moon and the Milky Way.

If you've followed my Insta or read my last post, you know I've been traveling for love and leisure alike as of late. Wedding season is upon us and it has made me consider life quite a bit lately. Perhaps it's the repetition of telling people what you're doing with your life that makes you wish you had something cooler to say, or the inevitable groan that follows when people ask you, "When are you getting married?".

Never-the-less, I finally have a moment to gain some perspective on life and last night, while searching for Orion's Belt with man friend, something in me shifted and I made a decision (or two).

I have wanted to be a "runner" for a while. I have run casually in the past and even done a race or two with friends for fun. I thought that maybe the high would last long enough to propel me to my next race and I could begin a stead habit of running for sport and leisure. I've been slacking wholeheartedly in the exercise category also, so it felt inevitable that I would have to make a choice sooner than later. (My metabolism has contentedly decided to catch up to my age and take it's sweet toll on my body-- something I had hoped would happen a few years down the line yet.)

Alas, now that the dust has settled for a little while and with the peace of a relaxing Sunday with nowhere to be, a clear head can prosper. Which apparently means using the inspiration from your friends to sign up for a half marathon.

Um, what? So much for staying relaxed, dust settling, and that kind of whatnot.

I figured I should stop wishing I could and making excuses for why I shouldn't (middle school sprained ankle anyone?). Turning this introspection into action seems like a big leap, and although I'm terrified that I'll get injured, die or embarrass myself in some other way on this run, I've got just over 4 months to become the "runner" I always wanted to be.

Any advice out there? (Excluding my little brother who happens to run marathons for funsies and ran college track-- stop showing off already, jeesh!)

Maybe my next epiphany will be more leisure oriented like Ice Cream Fridays or Siesta Sundays.

Look forward to more scribblings on this likely painful but exciting experience--inside and out.

Monster Dash Half Marathon, I'm comin' for ya!

XO